How are you?

When was the last time that you asked that question with genuine interest in the answer, prepared to handle any sort of emotional spewing that might come along with it?

Or better yet, when was the last time that someone asked you how you were doing and they cared enough to listen to what you had to say. I have had two seperate situations this week where people not only asked how I was doing but listened intently and even asked follow up questions to things that were happening in my life at the time. It was incredibly refreshing and it made me feel valued and it was a way of letting me know that there are people who think that I am important and care about my life.

Take a moment and think about how that might impact your small group if you were the catalyst for creating a community that truly demonstrates care and concern for one another. And even more importantly imagine that care and concern taking place outside of your normal meeting time. In the world that we live in there is a plethora of ways that you can take a moment to let someone know that you do care about what is going on in there life. I challenge you to take a moment to text message, email, instant message, call, or even the old fashioned things like visiting, writing, or inviting people over and engaging in real conversation. Imagine what kind of thriving community your small group could turn into when people start truly caring about each others well being more than they care about themselves and where each part is involved in the spiritual strengthening and caring for each of the other parts.

"Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled."
Hebrews 12:12-15

Through the study of Ephesians this week my eyes were opened up in new ways to a truth that I had understood but it seemed much more real in my life than ever before. Eph. 4:11-16 speaks about how God is doing the work of growth in peoples lives by giving the tools to other people so they can do the work. Henry Cloud has said, To be truly Biblical, as well as truly effective, the growth process must include the body of Christ.” There is nothing new about or earthshattering about this thought but it is worth mentioning because this is Gods number one plan for spiritual growth in the lives of believers. It has to be in the context of community and if a Christian is not a part of a spiritual family of some sort, it will be impossible to grow.
As I was reading and meditating on this thought I started to think about my home improvement projects that I've been working on. when I started remodeling on my house I knew next to nothing about plumbing, electrical, framing and anything else asscociated with building a house, but I do have very good friends that know alot about those things. In time I have grown in my knowledge of these areas because my friends have spent time teaching, equipping and sharpening my skills in these areas. The same is true in my spiritual life. I am surrounded by a multitude of people who God has placed around me to be a catalyst for spiritual growth in my own life. All that I have to do is be willing to give them a voice in my life. The flipside is also true, God has placed many people around me that I am commanded to be a catalyst for spiritual growth in their life. All that I have to do is open my mouth.

I spent some time meditating on Ephesians 4:11-16, here are some of the words of Paul from this passage.

"But to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift. And He himself gave some to be apostles, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ."

For a small group to be a healthy, these are characteristics and aspects of ministry must be present and encouraged. A group will survive and maybe even appear to thrive if only one aspect is present but the group will almost certainly be unbalanced.

For example, if a group is led by an individual with a heart for teaching the natural tendency of that person would be to teach every single week because it is the gift that the Lord has given him/her. Even though teaching is the spiritual giftedness of this individual, using it in this manner actually stifles the growth of the entire group because other areas of ministry that the Lord has given to His church would not get utilizied. As mentioned in earlier posts one of the most beautiful things about the church is when people are unified in purpose despite diversity of gifts and interests. Which is exactly what Jesus called the church to be! Each of the gifts have been given "for the equipping of the saints for ministry and for edifying the body of Christ." The ultimate goal of a small group in response to this particular passage is that every individual in that group can come to the full measure of who Christ has called them to be. That can only be done through the contributions of people with different gifts ranging from Apostles and Evangelists to Pastors and teacher and everything in between. Each of these giftings are to be celebrated and utilized for the building up and equipping of the body.

There is alot of talk in the Small Group world about "the empty chair" Now, the empty chair is usually a reference to every small group always having room for another person to join them. I do want to make a point though that an empty chair is not always an open chair. It is always easy to have an empty chair or make a reference towards an empty that could be filled but the idea of an "open" chair is a little bit different. The use of the word open is more than just a change of terminology. It is also an attitude of openness and inclusivity.

The following excerpt is from the book "7 Deadly Sins of Small Group Ministry". Bill Donahue quotes Bill Hybels on page 129. 'As much as God loves uplifted hands, he may love outstretched hands even more. Our God is radically inclusive. Listen to the angel's announcement: "I bring you good new of great joy that will be for all peoples" (Luke 2:10) Listen to the Savior's plea "that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us" (John 17:21) Outstretched arms, radically inclusive community: that's our standard.

The open chair is an essential part of the daily walk of each believer and in the small group the chair needs to be open and inclusive, not just empty.

"Your words have been arrogant against Me, says the Lord. Yet you say, What have we spoken against you? You have said, 'It is vain to serve God; and what profit is it that we have kept His charge, and that we have walked in mourning before the Lord of hosts? So now we call the arrogant blessed; not only are the doers of wickedness built up, but they also test God and escape.' Then those who feared the Lord spoke to one another, and the Lord gave attention and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear the Lord and who esteem His name. And they will be Mine, says the Lord of hosts, on the day that I prepare My own possession, and I will spare them as a man spares his own son who serves him. So you will again distinguish between the righteous and the wicked, between one who serves God and one who does not serve Him." (Malachi 3:13-18)

This has involved two very encouraging times with small groups/spiritual families. I feel that both of these experiences correllate with this passage of scripture from Malachi somehow. In the midst of a wicked group of people there is a select number that still fear the Lord. Isn't it interesting how those people are described?

"Then those who feared the Lord spoke to one another."

This group of people were in relationship with one another. Relationships are important! It is not vain to serve God, to be honest after spending time in my mission field I can see where it is easy to start thinking that it is vain to serve God. But then Tuesday night comes and I gather together with my small group and I speak with them and we share our spiritual journeys and once again I am reminded about the importance of following God and that there is a group of people that I am in an authentic community with that are walking the journey of life with me. This group encourages my soul as I encourage them and together we sharpen one another to follow Christ and to pursue His mission.

I read this in a book recently.

"One of the lasting influences of the Crusades is the necktie as a symbol of Christianity. Those leaving on the Crusades were often given a scarf as a remembrance by those left behind. When the Christians went into battle in the Holy Land, they knotted the scarves around their necks, enabling them to tell friend from foe. Over time, the Crusaders' scarves became today's neckties. Although most christians are unaware of the historical significance of the necktie, many Muslims are. That is why the leaders of many Arabic nations wear open-necked shirts today."
(Intercultural Communication pg. 10, paragraph 3)


I know that there are many different stories about where exactly ties come from and their cultural significance, that is not why I put this in a post. This makes me think about what I am holding onto as sacred but in reality is merely tradition. I am not a tie guy personally and I never held that wearing a tie on a Sunday morning is mandatory. What aspects of Christianity, beyond the super obvious (music styles, dress, buildings, paid staff) do we hold as sacred when in reality it is just tradition. One that comes to mind is the Sunday morning sermon. Is the way that the teaching presented in the majority of churches tradition? Are there more meaningful ways to teach and communicate information that are not done because the tradition of a Pastor preaching for 30 minutes become sacred? And just because things are tradition, does that make them bad?

Like most things the idea of tradition in the church makes me think about small groups and how those groups can incorporate what the real essence of the church is. Obviously there is teaching involved, but what is the best forum for the teaching? There will be community and the living out of the "one anothers", but what exactly does that look like? If a small group can capture the essence of what church is supposed to be, aAre weekly small group gatherings enough or should believers be a part of a larger body worship on Sunday mornings and a small group gathering of the saints at another time? If someone were to be only a part of a small group, would they develop seperatist attitudes that would be a catalyst for division among believers? Would that person also miss out on the beauty that is the macro church by focusing only on the micro church? Just some questions that I have been asking myself lately.

This week I happened to be looking through some of my old syllabi from college and I came across some very interesting things that are relevent when compared with Bruce's message last Sunday.

I studied missions in college and ended up taking alot of classes related to understanding culture and how to live and communicate not only to your own culture but also to other cultures around the world. One of the first steps to understanding other cultures is to learn how your own culture affects you. Milton Bennett, a researcher in the area of Anthropology, has written "Americans must become more conscious and knowledgable about how their own culture has conditioned their ways of thinking and planted within them the values and assumptions that govern their behavior."

American culture has deeply embedded the the values of time, youth, individualism, materialism and beauty in the hearts of those of us that are living in this culture. Lets take a moment and think about how this affects Christianity, specifically related to Bruce's message from Galatians 6 last Sunday. There were very clear implications from the text about the need for Battle Buddies and the idea of living in community with one another. Having a battle buddy means giving up the value of individualism. Christ has made it very clear that we as Christians need one another for support, encouragement and accountability. These battle buddies can be peers, individuals, members of a spiritual family or even mentors. Think about how your relationships in your spiritual family, friendships and discipling relationships can be promoting a Biblical culture which is counter cultural compared to American ideals. I encourage you to think about the ways in which Galatians 6 can be put into action in your own life in such a way that the light of Jesus shines as you live out your theology!!!!

Currently I am a part of several spiritual families. Two of them are official spiritual families and the others are informal relational networks that make up the system of spiritual support and encouragement in my life.
As I think about my spiritual families what strikes me is how different each one of them are, yet how they are each full of strengths and importance. The leaders are different in each group, as well as the members of the group, the activities and personalities but each group has its own strengths and unique abilities that contributes to the overall strength of the group.
I am thinking about these things today because I have been privileged to visit and be in discussion with people of other small groups alot recently and it has been exciting for me to hear the many different perspectives and personalities that a small group can take on.
Recently Nandi Mayathula-Khoza, the portfolio head for community develpment in South Africa said, "We need to recognise that a diverse population is a strength and opportunity in itself as this diversity can be harnessed to enhance people's choices." For the small group setting this quote still stands true, the word 'choices' could even be exchanged for perspective, or perception of who God is. This diversity in small groups should certainly be encouraged, I feel that one of the most exciting things about Christianity is that even in the midst of diverse personalities and interest there is the common glue of Jesus Christ that holds us all together.
This unity in the midst of diversity is something that is to be celebrated! Remember to be thankful for the uniqueness of your spiritual family.

Common Unity
Encouragement
Family
Standing up for one another

"Invincible", which is a movie that came out last summer illustrates very important relational needs that we as human beings have. For those of you who have not seen the movie, Vince Papale is a down and out bartender who tries out and makes an NFL team. What makes this movie special is that Papale finds community in a bar located in south Philadelphia. Each of his friends that he hangs out with in that bar provide community, encouragement, and family for Vince. Definitely some thought provoking ideas and a challenge for me to make my own small group like that familiy that Vince found in the bar.

It seems all the talk these days in Northern Indiana is the Bears and the Colts. Even my friends Abe and Lisa who could care less about sports, particulary football, found themselves turning on the Colts game last Sunday afternoon. The Super Bowl is a crazy event that seems to pull the vast majority of Americans to the television to watch the game, sports fans and non sports fans alike.

When I first started watching football the top teams in the NFL were the Dallas Cowboys and Buffalo Bills. Since I am a huge Philadelphia Eagle fan there was no way in the world that I could cheer for the Cowboys in the Super Bowl which left the Bills as the only option to root for. I also happened to be one of those football fans who really enjoyed the game and did not want to be distracted by all the people around me so each year I chose to watch the game in the friendly confines of my living room with only my father who usually only watched one football game a year. Every year I was invited to parties to watch the game, but for some reason it was a higher priority for me to analyze the game in peace and quiet rather than enjoy food, fellowship and entertainment with close friends. At some point in my life and it is hard to pinpoint exactly when, my priorities changed. Even though I still love the solitude of watching a game by myself I have realized that there is a deeper need within my soul to be in relationship with others. This Super Bowl make those relationships a priority and watch the game together. If nothing else at least you will get to enjoy good food and (hopefully) entertaining commercials.

Living and being married to someone who has her MA in Interpersonal Relationships has its major advantages, especially for someone like me who generally speaking does not have a clue
when it comes to being relational and understanding how to interact with others in a way that promotes great conversation. A little while ago I learned an extremely important lesson from her about interacting with others about pain and shame in a vulnerable way that is profitable for relationships.

Leading and/or being part of a small does have its challenges. One of the greatest personal challenges for me is how to show genuine care and empathy when from a human perspective there appears to be different levels of sin or inability to relate to another persons pain because I might not have dabbled in that particular kind of sin or I may not have ever experienced that particular kind of pain. I was frustrated by my lack of genuine care with fellow brothers and sisters and I talked through these things with my wife, she explained to me a concept that I know believe is key to day to day interaction, especially interaction within the small group setting. This is a paraphrased version of what she had to say; 'I may not be able to understand exactly what your pain is, but I do know what it feels like to be hurt and I may not understand what it feels like to be living in that particular kind of sin but I do know what it feels like to be living in sin. It is possible to genuinely care and understand other peoples sin when you remember what it is like for you to feel hurt and translate those feelings into care for others.'

Think about these things and try them out. I guarantee that it will hep you care for those in your group even better.

My wife and I have a tradition that entered its second year this Christmas. We write out own story from the previous year. That story includes themes that we saw in our life the previous year, ways that the Lord provided, what we have learned, significant events and so on and so forth. We each prepare our own story and then we share them with each other on New Years Day and enjoy a meal out. (Eating out is a special occasion for us because we do it so rarely) Through sharing these stories with each other we are really able to understand the role that we played in each others life and exactly how our own personal stories have been shaped by the events and relationships of the previous year.

The idea of telling stories as a way of strengthening relationships is illustrated in this excerpt from a book that I am currently reading.

"One of the characteristics of our church culture at Brentwood involves a long standing pattern of teaching through story telling. It has always been one of the distinct components we wouldn't want to change. Our relationship closeness depended on sharing faith stories with each other. It still does. our congregation seems to open her arms to those who get personal."
-Sue Mallory "The Equipping Church"

Telling your own story creates a certain vulnerability and enables others to see the role that they play in your life. Once again my challenge to you is to share the story of how those around you have impacted your life. Sharing highs and lows within a small group setting allows each person to see and understand the role that we play in each others life story.